Saturday, November 5, 2011

TACOS, TACOS, TACOS!!!!!

They are fucking delicious.

Well, OK, some are muthafucking delicious. Not all. Taco Bell can bite my ass. They suck. I hate them. Yeah. Also? Bars that serve cheap tacos to get you in there? Don't order them. I never have, and I think I can safely say, I've not missed a damn thing.

In Portland? I'm thinking the best goddamned place to get a muthafuckin' taco is in one of those hole in the wall, divey, real-deal Mexican joints.

Fuck Chevy's.

I don't want to be able to identify the species of creature that was cooked in that pot... from which they spooned my taco, uh, filling. All I need to know, is that at one time, it had a face. And now? It's in that pot. Eyes, and all. Unless it's a fish. And then? I want the whole goddamned muthafuckin' fish in my taco. None of this stupid asshole Gorton's Fish stick bullshit. What the FUCK is up with that shit? Did I ASK for a fucking fish stick? NO. No, the fuck, I did not. Get me a goddamned whole, un-PC deep fried-assed fish, you fuck!

Yeah.

And cabbage. There had better be some goddamned cabbage in there somewhere. You all need to understand. And recognize. Cabbage is delicious, goddamn it. And lime.

You put the lime in the cabbage. And you shake them both up. You put the lime in the cabbage with the fish, and the onions... on the tortilla. Then you eat it. And don't forget cilantro. You need some cilantro. Then you call me in the goddamned morning.

And you will thank me, because that shit's good.

Some people like ketchup on their tacos. What the fuck is that??? Fuck you, you goddamned middle American fucks! Seriously. God. Damn. Ketchup? No!!! I'm gonna puke!

And therein ends my treatise on tacos.

Carry on.

-H

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