Today, I got to try barium for the first time. It tasted like a vanilla Shaklee Meal Shake from the '80s.
They took quite a few pictures of my guts, then they gave me a different type of barium with some bitter digestive shit that tasted like aspirin. It still was not the worst thing I have ever had in my mouth, but I'm glad I don't have to do that again, any time soon.
For the last part of the exam, I had to drink the bitter stuff, then walk around for an hour while it worked its way through my system. They grabbed me once during that hour, took gut pictures, then made me walk for another half hour, taking more gut pictures. My guts are surprisingly not that weird looking, which I suppose is a good thing.
Anyway, while I did my laps, I made friends with a few techs. We hi fived a few times, but I tried not to make too big a deal of it, because they had their jobs, and I had my really boring one.
I decided to make up a little song: I call it "The Barium Walk" I... may have stolen the tune of "Word Up!" from Cameo. Whatever.
Anyway, here ya go:
Big booty baby, walk down the hall...
Turn right, then right, then right, and then right.
Stop in the middle, and do your dance,
Shake your booty left and right to make the barium go down.
It goes down, it goes down, keeps going down,
just keep walking to the beat and keep a turning to the right.
Walk around, walk-a-round, do your dance now
Mama come on baby do the Barium Walk!
Barium! Everybody say! When you hear the call you got to get your x-ray...
Yeah, I'm kind of a dork.