Tuesday, August 9, 2011

The vegan pate that kick's Toby's ass any damn day of the week.

First, let me preface this by saying that I am no vegan. In fact? Goose liver pate? Oh yes, please. That is some serious deliciousness right there. But... well? I sometimes get wistful of my vegetarian days, and remember when I used to go through a container of Toby's tofu pate a week. True, it is not a damn thing like the non-vegan version, but still, there was something about it that I used to enjoy.

I've since discovered a soy allergy, so I can't have toby's anymore. Le sigh. That was a sad day.

I will say, and I am not proud of this little fact; that I haven't experimented in the kitchen in a while, and I kind of have to ask myself why that is right now. I love doing this, and I have enough skill and experience now to know that I probably am not going to mess things up to the point that no one will want to eat whatever it is that I throw together. And if I do? I don't usually have an audience. What people don't know about me won't hurt them... or, ultimately, me. Right? Right.

Anyway, I had an idea in my head when I went shopping last week. I have been feeling the need to eat more fiber lately, and try to figure out how to work more veggies into my diet. I am one of those women who laughs with salad just about every day of the world.

Yep. I do it. Shut up.

But still. I felt like more fiber could be worked in somewhere. So, I picked up a couple bags of almonds, and a few extra veggies on top of what I normally buy at the market, went home and performed a little science experiment.

And guess what!? It worked! And holy nom, It's fucking awesome!

So, without further adieu, I give you: My recipe for almond pate.

Instruments of world domination:
Food processor
Cutting Board
A good knife


1/2 bag Raw Almonds from Trader Joe's
1/4 Walla Walla Sweet Onion
(These are very large. If all you have are little boiler onions, use 1/2 an onion.)
1 medium carrot, cut into small pieces for food processor
1 small to medium rib of celery, cut into small pieces for food processor
1 small handful of chopped dill. (I should have measured this, but alas... I did not.)
2 tbsp lemon juice
Small amount of water for streaming
1 tbsp granulated garlic
salt to taste


Place almonds in bowl of food processor with pulverizing blade. Pulse until nuts are in small pieces, and stream in a small amount of water; maybe a little more than a tablespoon, just to get it to flow together to a semi-thick paste.

Add onion, and pulse again, until incorporated. If you need to stream a little more water in, that's fine.

Add carrot, followed by celery. Same rules apply to the water. You want it to be able to incorporate together, but not be so thin that it's like soup.

Pulse, adding garlic, salt, and lemon, until well-mixed.

Add the dill last, so it doesn't get too bruised. Bruised anything is not attractive. Bruised herbs? Far from tasty.

You can eat this right away, but it's really amazing the next day. So good on celery and carrot sticks!