Monday, October 19, 2015

All Night Long...

I... sometimes have strange recollections tied to music that make no sense to anyone but me.  I am guessing that's true for just about everyone, because that's just sort of how minds work.  In this case, it was a Lionel Richie song, which I hadn't thought about in many, many, many years.

Many.  So many.

No, I was never a fan, but my dad was.  This could have partially been why I was never a fan.  Some of the things he liked, I had to question.  Lionel was no exception. All told, a reasonable ten year old can only deal with so much "Can't Slow Down", before she starts to pace around the room, ready to throw things.  But if we were home, I could at least leave the house, and either swim, or look for rattlesnakes in the hills behind my house.  Remember those days, when kids under the age of 15 could actually go do things without their parents?

I do.

Music with my dad was always a trip.  He had a wall of nothing but stereo equipment.

A huge wall.

No, really.  A huge wall, that was basically an homage to pressed, magnetic, and eventually lazer media.  He basically started collecting around 1970, and never stopped.  He also never threw anything out.  I have no idea how he still had bottles of record cleaner and one of those felted brush implements that you had to run along the vinyl just so, and not cross any of the tracks; all the way into at least 1997, but he did.  And he still used it all.  He even had an enormous mixing board with wooden panels on each side.  He never really divorced himself from broadcasting, or at least playing around with all the things related to such work... well... until he did, but that was a completely different story, and one I won't bore you with now.

He would make these mixed tapes that would start out on vinyl, then Teac reel to reel, and eventually end up in cassette form, for the car.  At least he didn't have to worry about losing his music, I guess.

Yes, you read that right.  My dad liked his music in triplicate.

And people wonder why I'm such a goddamned freak.

Anyway, someone mentioned "All Night Long", today.  I... never really liked that song, but it does remind me of a certain time when my family lived in a spot where we would have to drive past a mortuary every day, as we exited the freeway.  I hated that place, once I knew what it was.  Gave me the creeps.  It would haunt my dreams, night after night.  For months.  I became obsessed enough that I had to learn all about the process of morgue corpse, to... embalmed corpse.  I think I spent about half a year on this.  I wish I were exaggerating here.  I'm not.

Did you know they stuff things up your butt when you die?  I did at age 10.  Oddly, this comforted me, as I realized at least my ass wouldn't leak anything into my casket for all eternity.

There was also a disturbing pool of some sort of suspicious liquid in the back of the building.  It could be seen, just as you got onto the freeway exit.  I was sure it was meant for pure evil, and... you know, not at all a source of recreation for the family who owned the mortuary and lived upstairs from it.  I could not actually see the pool, but I could see the  reflections of the aforementioned suspicious liquid dance on the side of the building, as it moved.  I once asked my dad why that was there, and he told me that it was where they dumped all of the blood... while Lionel Richie sang about partying all night long in the street.

I guess I cared enough about Lionel to think this: "Be careful, Lionel."

I got curious and looked at the mortuary on Google Maps.  It is still there, but the pool has been filled in.  No more dumping of the bloods.  Ah, well.


Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Everybody said it was a shame, 'cause her mama was a workin' on a chain gang...

This is actually a recipe post, and it's not about Poke Sallit.  But I did make some salad with pork, and it was pretty damn good, if you like spicy and tangy things.  It's... not really southern, either, but the song still ran through my head while I was making it, because pork was involved, which, yes, I know is not poke.  This doesn't make any sense!  Well?  Guess what?  It doesn't have to make sense, because I just don't care if it does.  It's just... what happened, OK??  Did I mention I'm basically a Porketarian?  Anyway, just... whatever.  I'm going to share that recipe now.


3 decent sized thick-cut pork chops.
Salt and fresh ground pepper to taste
4 big fat sexy limes
2 teaspoons granulated garlic
2 teaspoons cumin powder
1/2 bunch cilantro, chopped
1 heart of romaine
4-5 serrano chiles
1 avocado
1 yellow onion, halved, then thinly sliced

Preheat oven to 350 degrees.  Place pork chops in a baking dish with pats of butter underneath.  Salt with big, crunchy flakes of sea salt, and grind fresh pepper over the tops.  Bake for 25 minutes, or until golden brown on top.  Flip, and salt/pepper the other side.  Bake again, for about the same amount of time.

Just before taking out the chops, squeeze your sexy assed limes, and then add your garlic and cumin to the juice.

Once you have removed your chops from the oven, allow them to rest for about 5-10 minutes, and then slice them into thin strips.  Add this to your juice, and chill for 2-3 hours.  Doing this while the meat is still hot, will make for tangier strips, but you can also add the lime juice to cold chops, and they will still be good.  You can probably also marinate the meat overnight in this juice, and grill the chops.  If you do this, though, be sure to discard your lime juice once you cook the chops, and make a bit more of this fine mixture to go over them when they are finished cooking.

At the time you are ready for your salad, dice your avocado, and slice your onion, cilantro, and chiles.  Add the last three ingredients to your chilled pork strips, and toss.  If you are serving small children, leave the chiles to the side.  Let that sit for a few minutes, while you chop your romaine heart.  Serve over the romaine, with avocado on top.

Serves 4-5.

Thursday, February 12, 2015

One size does not fit all.

Last night, as I was flossing, I got stuck.  Horribly stuck.  Try as I might, I could not get the floss to come back out from between my molars.  I sawed back and forth, back and forth, back and forth, tugging in a gentle upward motion, until I broke the damn floss. 


It would go in, but it would not come back out!  I had no idea what to do, because it was bedtime, I was exhausted, had already removed my bra, and didn't want to go to the damn store, just for better floss that wouldn't do this.

I started freaking out at this point, because the third time, was NOT a charm.  The minute gap between my molars was filling up with floss that had meant well, but kept dying on the rocks, before what should have been a safe return.  Yeah... no such luck.

At this point, I noticed that not only was the gap full, it was also starting to push on all of my other teeth.  I had the worst vision of all of my periodontal bones shifting slightly to the right, and jumping ship, in the night, AND I WOULD DIE BECAUSE I WAS GOING TO CHOKE TO DEATH ON THEM!

Man overboard!!!  Or... man aspirated!  Either way, AAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!

I ran into the bedroom, crying at Mr. Hed, who goes:  "Dude, calm down.  We may have to go to the store, but we'll get it figured out.  Do you want one of my plastic flossers from the basement?"

I looked down at my fingers that looked like they had been sawed in half, all the way around, at this point, because the floss had made that much of a dent in them.  "Uh, yes, please?"

He runs downstairs, and I frantically look through the drawers of my vanity, because sometimes I stash odds and ends from dental visits in the bottom right drawer, for those times in-between boxes of floss.  I also keep floss in my purse, because you just never know when you are going to be out and about and have to deal with something annoying between your teeth.

And even with all of this, I forget that I have any of it, in the moment, because that moment is nothing but SHEER PANIC, DOOM, AND ALL OF MY TEETH ARE GOING TO JUMP OUT OF MY MOUTH RIGHT NOW!  ARE YOU KIDDING ME WITH THIS?

I may have a compulsion that I forget I have, when I need to have it.  I suppose I might look into that, someday.  Some part of that is worth examining, 'non?  Who can tell?

Anyway, I did manage to find a small box of glide floss in my drawer.  I felt a little bad about this, but before Mr. Hed could return from the basement, I had the situation completely resolved.  But well?  I felt the need to ask, anyway, because it never hurts to have backup in case of a dental hygiene emergency:  "Did you find one?"

"Yeah.  Here."

"Oh, OK.  Well, I don't need it now, but you know, just in case, we'll have one up here, in case some real shit goes down."

Because, you never know.  One minute, you could be flossing happily, and humming to yourself, and the next, you could be waking up the neighbourhood.


Wednesday, January 7, 2015

Oh soup... don't go changin'...

I like you soup.  Just the way you are.

So, I made this soup tonight.  Got the idea from the internets, but the recipes I found, seemed a bit boring, so I livened it up a bit.

It's got cauliflower in it, so if you aren't a fan, this is probably where you can stop reading.

There had been talk recently of cauliflower/tahini soup.  I was intrigued.  I've used tahini in the past, but usually for more traditional foods, like Baba Ganoush, and Hummus.  In a soup?  Not so much, but I figured it would be good.  Just cauliflower, stock, onions, and tahini sounded pretty great, to me.  Sounded... well?  Nice.  And easy.
And I'd like to do that for you.  But you see?  I never, ever do nuthin' nice.  And easy.

And this soup?  No exception. 

All right, I'll get to the recipe now.

You will need:

Stock pot. 
Immersion blender, or blender tolerant of heat.  A vitamix would probably also work fine.
Decent vegetable knife/cutting board
Roasting pan


2 tbsps butter
1 tbsp butter for sauteeing.
1 head cauliflower, cut into even pieces, and spread out over a roasting pan
1 pint of your favourite stock.  I used pork, but you could also use beef, lamb, chicken, or vegetable.
1 onion, diced.
1 cup tahini
1 can coconut milk
3-4 lemons, juiced; zest of one lemon.
1 tablespoon Vadouvan curry powder
1 bunch cilantro, chopped.


Preheat oven to 350. 

Melt butter.  Chop cauliflower into even pieces, and spread out over a roasting pan.  Drizzle butter over the tops of the cauliflower, and roast in oven for about 20-30 minutes.  I like the tops to be brown, but not burned. 

Once the cauliflower has come out of the oven, dice your onion, and sautee until caramelized, but not crispy.  Add stock, and simmer for about 5 minutes.  Add the rest of the ingredients, except the cauliflower and cilantro.  Stir and simmer, another 3-5 minutes.  Be sure, when you are doing this, that you do it over a relatively low, to medium heat.  You don't want the coconut milk to curdle, because once that happens?  There's no coming back from that.  Trust me.  It's very sad, when it happens.  You will cry.  Or you may throw things, depending on what kind of day you've had.

Remove from stove, and add cauliflower.  Blend.

Add chopped cilantro, and blend, again; enough to make the soup colourful, but not enough to bruise the cilantro.  Be sure you chop it well enough that it doesn't get tangled in your immersion blender.  That's not really all that sexy.

Serve, and prepare to be dazzled.