Monday, December 19, 2011

If these were a man...

So, there are these cookies at Clinton St. coffee... little almond flour cookies from heaven that well? If they were a man, I would so totally take them into the parking lot and do them in my car. I guess it's good they aren't. That could get me in some trouble.

Still, holy forehead, they are amazing.

They have them in a jar on the counter there, and it's also a good thing the cute guy behind the counter has to get them out for me with tongs, because well? It's kind of embarrassing to buy more than one at a time for that reason.

Thanks, cute barista, for keeping me in line.

I almost bought a box of them this morning, to set out with the other cookies I'm planning on making. I do still make glutenous cookies for the rest of the family, so I may still get some, because I have no idea how to re-create those things. Gluten free baking has been enigmatic for me, to say the least. Recipes are simultaneously costly, and elusive. Once someone figures out a special formula for something that really works well, and effectively mimics the glutenous predecessor, they are not going to give that shit up without a fight.

I have found a few online websites for gluten-free baking, but like I said, it's enigmatic. These sites are pretty simplistic, and the things I have made from them; following the recipes to the letter, have never fooled anyone. They are OK, but don't employ enough science for anything to actually taste right.

See, this gluten-free thing? People think it's easy. Well, sorry. These people are wrong. It's FAR from a slam-dunk, and you really have to know what you are doing, because you are basically moving heaven and earth in the name of science to combine some wacked-out ingredients into something that does not taste like absolute shit, and actually resembles food you might have seen before, but never thought you would eat, again.

Trust me. It's tough. It really, truly, is. Sometimes? Literally. No one wants to actually eat a tough cookie.

And sometimes? Things are just not compatible. Like a nut-based pie crust, combined with a custard filling. Custard takes a long fucking time to set up in an oven. Nuts scorch. FAST. I have yet to figure out how to do this successfully, but I will work on it until I get it right, because I am one of those people who notices things like a big fat crack in the top of a pumpkin pie, or a pie crust that's been burned all to hell. And before I understood that I had to cut out the gluten, I mastered the perfect, non-cracked custard. The crust was never the issue, like it is now.

So, this year for 'smas, I've asked for a couple cookbooks that will explore territory that I have only visited via library checkout. I know they are good books for that reason, and it would be nice to be able to reference them, and really explore them.

This food allergy thing can be a bitch, but I usually kick her until she falls down and begs me to let go of her arms and legs, and to get my fat ass off of the small of her back.

It also means that I eat at home before socializing.

Thankfully, I can still drink when I go out, though. Thank gawd for that!


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