Friday, March 18, 2011

Once, twice, three times a lady...

Having trouble with focus; memory, and wasting tasty alcoholic beverages as a result? Well, I have decided to go into business... I will now dispense ghetto advice, so you can lead a fuller life... like me! Whee!

Today, after a wily night of kid wrangling, (I sort of had to use mind bullets to get the kids to go to sleep last night,) I noticed I forgot to re-cork my wine from dinner, which happened many, many hours before this discovery. Before the kid wrangling of the night, I managed to get the dishes done, and a sense of decorum restored in the kitchen area, but this detail went far away. So far, in fact, that I managed to throw out the cork. The kids broke the glass winekeeper I'd been using... (stupid me, for leaving it ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR, where I thought it would be safe,) and I haven't made it to the chi chi kitchen store to pick up another just yet. It usually takes me a few days to finish a bottle, since I am the only wino in the house, and I sort of have to... you know... pretend to be responsible most of the time.

So, upon making this discovery, sighing a heavy sigh, I posed the question: "What's a girl to do?"

The answer, my friends... because I didn't want to throw out the wine, was simple. I placed a custard ramekin over the mouth of the bottle. Yes. I am that ghetto. And also Martha... and also? Fucking genius.

Oh yes. I am. That's once, twice, three times a lady, dammit!

It wasn't a sparkling wine of any sort. It was Cabernet. Breathy as a cabaret singer desperately showing signs of needing to get laid. I had some with tonight's dinner, and it wasn't terrible. But I will do my best to remember to... pick up another winekeeper soon. Because ramekins... were meant for custard. Not keeping wine.


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