Monday, April 25, 2011

Candy Fairy Vs. Tooth Fairy

Earlier today, MicroSqueak and I were driving home from dropping LadyBug off at school. Out of the blue, she asks me: "Mom, do the Tooth Fairy and the Candy Fairy hate each other?"

For those of you who are unfamiliar with the "Candy Fairy", she's an important fixture in my children's lives.

See, around Halloween, we go all out, and put together some pretty elaborate costumes. They really get into it, and love going Trick-Or-Treating. They usually come home with more booty than I am comfortable with letting them have. And with our food intolerances, as well as the curse of my fat-retaining-'aint-gonna-give-it-up-for-anything-chromosomes, many of these candies just don't make the cut, anyway.

So... following the example of a friend, I too, came up with the "Candy Fairy"!

She swoops in during the time my kids are sleeping on Halloween night after all the fun and fanfare is over, takes the remaining candy from their booty stash, and leaves a cuddly doll or stuffed animal for them to play with.
We have been doing this for a few years, and my kids have gotten used to the idea. They love it, and don't seem to miss the candy that goes away. They don't get much candy anyway, so this works out pretty well. Now you know.

But back to the question!

My response went as follows: "Yes. They hate each other. Can't be in the same room together.

(I try not to cuss around my little ones... so bear with me here, as there will be many euphemisms in use.)

"The Tooth fairy tries really hard not to say anything to the Candy Fairy... since the Candy Fairy always has some sort of sugary treat in her mouth. The Tooth Fairy finds this kinda gross, and eventually the lip smacking gets to her. She pops off with something like: 'Hey! Knock it off! Why you gotta be so gross?! And what's with all the candy? Ever heard of vegetables?'

"Then the Candy Fairy gets all annoyed and disgusted with the Tooth Fairy for being all anal, and says stuff like: 'Chill, will ya? Why be such a 'bird-doo-head, Tooth Fairy? Seriously. You are highfaultin, and it's not impressing anyone! I think it's time someone knocked you off that high horse, so you can take a hint and go away! Nobody likes you!"

'Well, at least I don't have donkey breath! Dang-a-rang, Candy Fairy. You stink!'

'Oh, that's it! You gonna get it now! You got some behind kickin' comin' to ya!'

"And then they start wrestling! Teeth and candy fly all over the room, and innocent bystanders complain about the fallout, 'cause that stuff hurts! Nobody wants to get hit with errant teeth!

"This is why you never, ever see the two of them together. We just have to plan around their schedules so that we are sure this doesn't happen, and also keep in mind the fact that the candy fairy's teeth are just not in the best shape, and she has a finite number of them. We don't want her to be toothless before her time, so we do our best to be sure her teeth don't meet any extra drama.
"If we invite one to a party, we can't invite the other."

"Oh. Wow, Mom. That is crazy!"

"Well, now you know. Fairies are pretty nifty on their own, but most rooms are just not big enough for more than one, and this is why."

The End.



  1. I love it. I would have loved to hear you telling the story in person, too. :-)

  2. HAHAHAHA! I would have loved to hear it in person too.