Wednesday, March 30, 2011

They say she talks to strangers...

Today was interesting. I had a concentration of invites for this particular night, and chose the one most important to me. Then I got sick, so I texted my friend, and... it turns out he was also not feeling great, so we had to postpone. Sigh... oh well. It will happen. It will. I pinky swear!

I went through most of the day using my neti pot, munching whole cloves of garlic raw, taking grapefruit seed extract, vitamin D, adrenal cortex, fish oil, lots of citrus fruit, about a gallon and a half of water, topped with a huge pot of tea. By evening, I was feeling quite a bit better. I'm a Neti-Yeti... or... Neti Hero, according to auto-correct. Whichever, I've got stars in my eyes tonight. Hopefully I am getting rid of this nasty bug that plagued both of my daughters for more than a week, and it doesn't turn into a chest cold, which was the main drag for both of them.

Did I mention I'm kind of a nerd? But... hey. When I mean business, I mean business! And also? I apparently know my Foreigner songs. Not something I'm all that proud of, but when you had no choice as a kid but listen to them in your dad's car until you had saved up enough allowance to buy a walkman cassette player, this is the card you had to play. And we lived in LA. Nothing was ever close or easy to get to in a reasonable amount of time. NOTHING!

So, I heard a lot of Foreigner. Yes. Yes, I did.

It was pretty good motivation though I still damn my ability to memorize songs, and if "LuAnne" still isn't burned into my memory... oh lord. Help me.

Anyway, tonight, I decided to go grocery shopping after Mr. Hed got home from work, since my plans had been canceled and I was basically just sort of teetering on the wall separating well, and unwell. And... we were out of most things in the way of... food. I also didn't have the energy today to deal with both children in the grocery store. (Which was my original plan. I like to get there when the store opens for minimal drama, but that just wasn't happenin' earlier.)

They love to dance, twirl, walk backward, and make my head spin. I am lucky when I leave with every item I wrote down before the trip when I have to take both of them. I have to be very alert to keep the kids, the people around us, and breakable merchandise safe. This usually results in sensory overload for mama, and I have to hide in the closet curled up in the fetal position for about 15 minutes before I can even unload the bags. (OK, I added that last part for dramatic effect. Please. Nobody commit me.)

So when I get a chance to go without them, I take it.

For some reason this evening... I'm not sure if it was because I looked like a good listener or what, everyone wanted to talk to me. It was actually pretty nice, since I hadn't had much adult interaction for the past couple days. But really. Everywhere, someone had a story for me.

I was wearing a pair of earrings that I purchased last year at Nomad Body Piercing. They are easily my favourite pair; made of plain burl wood, and carved in a very unique design looping around the lobe, at a zero gauge. Blake, the owner of the shop, only made 10 pairs... in various sizes. I was lucky enough to find a pair in my size, and snag them for my very own. They are pretty special, and I wear them often.

Everywhere I went tonight, people had something to say about them. One guy I talked to actually knew Blake, and told me stories about his shop when it was still in San Francisco! (I had actually commented on his plugs to start off with.) They were probably about a 1/2 inch in diameter, and rose quartz. They were gorgeous. He told me all about how he made body jewelry for a while, and how he had been stretching since about 1992. He mentioned how the stone plugs were a little too burdensome to wear all the time, and he was starting to seek out lighter weight materials. I couldn't believe he had never tried buffalo horn before! I think that's my favourite material, personally. It is very lightweight, and usually found in ornately carved styles.

It is interesting how something as simple as a piece of jewelry can spark a conversation that goes on and on next to the butter in the store down the street with a complete stranger. It's cool though. Tonight, I welcomed it. I was just happy to be out of the house for a while, and perfectly happy to have my ear talked off... while I talked an ear off... about all things "ear".

Later on, at a different store, I was in the check-out line, which was sort of long for the time of night it was. (I was actually pretty surprised!) There, I got into a great discussion about fallout, and seaweed products being a good choice over potassium iodide pills. The girl behind me in line told me about different ways to prepare kelp noodles, and we both sort of drooled at the thought of nori... with anything. Then the girl bagging my groceries asked if I was on a low-carb sort of thing, and while I guess I am, it has more to do with the dietary stuff I have to deal with so my asthma doesn't go all crazy.

Walking out to my car, I was in a pretty good mood. Everyone has a story, and it's fun to hear them when I have time, and am not in tunnelvisionland with my kids. As I put the groceries into the trunk of my car, I suddenly realized I had forgotten to buy milk, so... back into the store I went!

This time, in the checkout line, the girl in front of me noticed that the cashier was wearing a gingham button, and said: "Wow. You are wearing a gingham button. That's kinda nifty! Ever heard of 'The Gingham Dog And The Calico Cat?'"

He hadn't. But... I had! And... before I knew it, this girl and I were reciting it for him.

Methinks I really needed to get out tonight, even if I didn't get to do the really fun stuff I had planned. And apparently? Fun is in the eye of the beholder. It's everywhere, people! You don't have to look far!


Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Can this wedding be saved? Enter Hedy...

In the mid-summer of 1996, I was asked to help on a special project: flowers for my good friend Keli's sister's wedding. I was still essentially a kid at this point in my life, and wasn't too keen on marriage just yet. In fact, there were two things that topped my list of things I really didn't want: to be married, and to own a Ford Escort. I told my best friend to shoot me if within a year I was married, and driving one of these little cars... or really, if either had happened... because at that point, I wasn't even old enough to (legally) drink... and, well, I had much better taste in cars.

That said, I loved weddings. I loved everything about them. It was sweet to see other couples making commitments to each other, and usually the food was decent, the flowers gorgeous, and... there was cake. And dancing!

OK, I still love weddings!

We spent the night before the big event sitting up talking; making floral arrangements, wreaths, head-dresses, and the like. It was hard work, but so much fun, and the company just... rocked. We did this into the wee hours, and decided it would probably best to get some sleep... but none of us really did, because damn. We were giddy! There was something about Kori and Ryan and how they were with each other that we all knew... this was going to take, and it was going to be really good.

And here I am, 15 years later, writing about it, and I can tell you they are still together, they are going strong, and they are a true inspiration.

But back to the wedding!

We set out for Richardson Point, via Fall Creek fairly early in the morning to set up, and finish the floral arrangements. Much of the flora we had to work was wild, and had been picked by Kori and her friends. (Years later, because I liked the idea so much, I actually did this for my wedding, as well, or at least, in part.) As everyone was setting up, I began making Kori's head dress. I remember her coming up to me and thanking me, and making me promise not to make her look like "Duck Face" from "Four Weddings And A Funeral". I had a good laugh about that one, because I was using white daisies... and well... yeah, that's kinda what she wore. But I think we succeeded in making her look unique.

Her dress was just beautiful. Her mother made it, and hand-embroidered beautiful flowers around the neckline, and the back had tiny buttons covered in white silk. They were the real deal! No zipper there! A ton of love went into that dress, but really, if anyone could make a dress like that, it was Leticia. She is one crazy-amazing seamstress.

At one point, I did hear Kori fretting about her marriage license. They could not find it anywhere! I tried to help look for a little while, but they decided to look in a few more places. Keli and I went back to our arranging, and gabbing. And... gabbing, because that's what we did.

Leticia pulled me aside, and asked me to do her a quick favour: "Hedy, can you take my car and run back to Fall Creek? There is a bag in my room, next to my dresser, that has the logo for Holland America West Tours. Can you grab that and bring it back up here?"


You know? I never even asked what was in the bag, and honestly, I was so entrenched in flower land, I had no idea what time it was. Still, I figured the time was nearing for the wedding to start, so I didn't waste any time. Fall Creek and Richardson Point are not really all that close together. According to Google maps, it should take about 53 minutes to complete the trip... one way. Well? I basically made the round trip in that time.

I arrived back just in time for the wedding ceremony to be finishing up. I ran up to Leticia, handed her the bag, and she quietly made her way over to the newly married couple, and pulled out the license! At this point, I was equally proud of myself for unknowingly saving their wedding, and in awe that they had a female officiant. Very cool!

The rest of the festivities were very fun! Keli's boyfriend (at the time... they are now married, too,) catered, and did a marvelous job. I had to laugh that the first song they chose to dance to as a married couple was: "I'm Too Sexy!" by Right Said Fred. Even their grandma was up and dancing... and not just a little bit. I remember thinking to myself: These people clearly know how to have a good time!

Somehow, I got talked into participating in the bouquet toss. And... yes. I caught it. Oy! I'm quite certain I wasn't next, since I didn't end up hitched for another 5 years, but it sure was a pretty thing!

What a day! Kori still talks about how I saved her wedding! Gotta love that!


Sunday, March 27, 2011

So... what's this about spilled milk?

Hey, kids!

Hope you are all doing well, and if not, I hope there's a pill or something for it.

The past couple nights have been brilliant fun, and a lesson in... accepting things as they are, then moving on... so as not to sacrifice good times. I am so glad I listened to that little voice that said: "Hedy, quit crying over spilled milk. What good does it do? Can't you just... for the love of gawd, move the fuck on?"

Why yes. Yes I can.

Friday night was an unexpected good time. I almost ruined my child before it turned into that, though. I was in the process of making one of my favourite meals, and realized a key ingredient was missing. See? I went to Trader Joe's Wednesday for my usual shopping trip, and somehow forgot to procure my gluten-free pasta. (By the way, I'm not sure what they do to this stuff, but it is the only one I have found that doesn't have uneven spots, or disintegrate in the water.) If you haven't tried it, you really should. I can't tell the difference between it and the conventional semolina stuff.

Anyway, I had started the sauce, and it was left to simmer so the balls could cook. (I make and eat balls. I do. And they are tasty.) I looked into my cupboard to this unpleasant discovery, all the while realizing the store is only about 10 seconds away by car, and I thought to myself: There is a good chance I can get what I need, and back home without having the sauce bubble over and ruin my kitchen. It worked. Whew.

The big save comes while leaving for the store. MicroSqueak spots me, telling me she wants to show me something AMAZING upstairs.

I had to let her know that I really needed to get to the store right then, and didn't have time to stop and look. She hung her head low, and slowly began walking back up the stairs. I felt so bad! So, I invited her to come to the store with me. She immediately perked back up, ran, got her shoes, and came along. She helped me in the store by grabbing one of the little kid carts, and was so proud of herself for being such a smart shopper, since we used her cart, instead of a big one. On the way home, we shared a fruit leather, which was our little secret. Shhh!

When we arrived home, I checked on the sauce, which was no worse for temporary neglect, gave it a stir, and walked upstairs with her. She had turned her bed into a pillow/book fort with a tap light in the center, so it was all aglow. This was one proud little girl! I have to admit, it was pretty darn cool.

I had impromptu plans with Miranda later that night. I stopped by her place, and in our true fashion of taking forever to get anywhere, we decided to go to a place that wasn't that close to hers, so we could hang out in the car and talk in transit.

When we get together, getting us to shut up is an exercise in futility.

As I drove through downtown Portland, we came up on Pioneer Square. Passing the square, a man in a nice looking dress shirt, slacks, and a tie ran up next to our car, and leapt to the right, as if he were about to cross the street, and basically commit... well, injury since I wasn't going very fast. He stopped short at the corner, twirled around, threw his tie over his shoulder, and grabbed both pecs. He looked as if he was about to say: "I'm an accountant by day, and a fucking super hero by night! You do NOT want to mess with me!"

And, no. No, I didn't.

We both burst out laughing at this point. And Miranda had this to say: "What the fuck was that? Seriously! That is the weirdest fucking shit I have seen all day, and I've had a weird day!"

I was just glad there was a red light there, because I was laughing so hard, I almost had to pull over. Hope the rest of that guy's night was as entertaining.

We went out for drinks at one of our old haunts, and had some tasty martinis. Had to laugh, because the waiter must have been quite bored. We had been sitting at the table for... less than 30 seconds, and he tried to take our order. Nice if you know what you want, I suppose, but we... are... slow. And indecisive. And... damn. Third time was a charm though. And when he finally did take our orders, he carded us! If I'd had a bag of gold stars, I would have handed it to him. Alas, he had to settle for a good tip, which I'm sure was probably more useful, anyway.

I love getting carded. In my early 20's I thought it was a big pain in the ass, because I'd have to dig through things to find my ID. I couldn't wait for the day when I finally would no longer be carded. And when it came, I looked back on all of those other times pretty wistfully.

He did get one hefty tip.

While there, two men walked in. One looked remarkably like Mr. Hed. It was uncanny, and freaked me out a little because at first I thought... "Who is that guy he's with, and who is watching the girls???" Obviously it was not him, but damn.

As we were leaving, I caught him checking me out. Seriously. Very strange. Miranda and I got into the elevator, and waited for the door to close. He was still behind another door, but you can never be too careful. She turned to me saying: "I wonder what Mr. Hed would say if you brought that guy home for a three way?"

Yeah, I don't really want to find out. That's... fine. No, really.


Yesterday was a ball of laughs. I started out with an extensive to-do list, because we threw a birthday party for our friend Laura. Of course, I didn't take into account I wouldn't really have help with this, as Mr. Hed and Laura's husband Brian were putting up a fence in our backyard. We have been waiting to get that project knocked out for a while, so I was glad, and then I was overwhelmed.

The girls were having a rough day, and I didn't have a whole lot of stuff planned to keep them entertained as I prepped the house, and made food for the party.

The menu was supposed to look like this:

Peanut butter cup birthday cake. (Chocolate cake, peanut butter filling, chocolate buttercream frosting, with peanut butter cups on top.)

Gluten Free vanilla cupcakes with lemon curd filling, and vegan/soy-free lemon vanilla frosting.


Mild and lethal salsas

tuscan bean salad

olive whip

Most of that stuff, I was able to accomplish in a competent manner. I had done a bunch of spring cleaning all week long, so the only real cleaning I had to do was just pick up after the kids as they made messes throughout the day. Not so bad there.

The stuff that failed was the stuff I had high hopes for. I decided to try a new frosting that I could actually eat. Can't do conventional buttercream. Can't do buttercream made with margarine. The recipe called for a bunch of interesting ingredients, and the directions seemed clear enough... but well? When I went to the store, they did not have a key ingredient that was clearly needed. Powdered coconut milk. I even went to the good store to find this, and no dice. The clerk at the store suggested I try creamed coconut. It is basically what it sounds like. They take the entire pulp of the coconut, and just mash it into oblivion... and this is what comes out as a result: A dense, heavy, brick'o'coconutty goodness. I have bought it before. Tastes a little like white chocolate, and is a nice treat to have once in a while. I agreed that this would probably be a passable sub-in, so I bought a box.

When I got home, I threw that into a food processor, and started the process immediately, because it said that it would take at least 6 hours to set up in the refrigerator. All said and done, it was pourable liquid, and tasted amazing. I poured it into a bowl, stuck it in the fridge, and went about the rest of my day.

When the chocolate cake had baked, I realized I had forgotten to take the butter out to soften it, and therefore would not be able to do a mix-only buttercream. I also didn't have enough eggs, any heavy cream, or... at that point, patience to do a traditional boiled sugar buttercream, so I went to the damn store and bought a can of frosting. (And this is where I hang my head in shame, because I have not done this since I was about 20, and didn't know any better.) But still... Duncan Hines to the fucking rescue, I guess.

I decided not to make a big fuss about this, and got started on the lemon curd. I have a tried and true method that has NEVER failed me before... but today? Good lord. NO! Even that didn't come out right! So... the gluten-free cupcakes were served in the buff. They were still eaten, and I will be making that recipe again. They were really tasty, and it was nice for LadyBug and I to have something to eat when the cake was cut. But next time, I will try the frosting recipe out in advance so I don't end up repeating that disaster. It turned out like... delicious, albeit grainy... ricotta cheese. See, the creamed coconut, (I'm guessing,) acted like cold butter in a mix-only buttercream. Yeah, please. If you are going to do buttercream this way... soften your butter! Trust me, and just do it, kay?

0 for 3 on the goo. The only goo that worked out was the hummus. Because... well? Just being honest. But, damn. I know what I'm doing there.

The party was a complete success though. Many of Laura's friends, who she wasn't expecting to see, (some from the other side of the state, even,) showed up early. When Laura walked in, she handed me a bottle of Red Zinfandel and said: "Happy Equinox!" (This was our ruse in getting her over here, since she had expressly told Brian she did not want a party this year.)

Well... enter Hedy... Heh heh heh... I'm the pretty prince of parties... and let's face it. I will find an excuse... any excuse... to throw one!

Things ended with a little jam session in my living room. Yay, guitars... and Goonies!

Weekends like this are welcome anytime.


Thursday, March 24, 2011

Now that spring is finally here:

Wow. Two posts this week. Can you believe it? Well, this one isn't going to be one of my normal doozies... just a list of things I happen to like about Spring, since... it's finally here. Man, this has been one long winter. It is one of the first winters I have enjoyed in a while, but I am also quite ready for it to be over. I want to see some sunshine, and play outside again.

Anyway, without further adieu, I bring you my top ten favourite things about spring.

10.) Reorganizing after a usually haphazard winter. Today, for instance, I cleaned out my closet, took 6 bags of old clothes to Goodwill, did megalaundryfromhell... (where does it come from? I just washed a crap load of stuff on Sunday! Oy!) and reorganized my living room bookshelves. That felt really good. When we moved in here, I just sort of placed things on the shelf to have it over with, and it was... well... semi-organized... and then semi-not-organized, to the point that I found Vonnegut books on every damn shelf, and there are six five-foot shelves in the case. Good Christ, that took a while, but it is done. Oh yes. It is.

For the benefit of my friends, I did make sure that my copy of the Bible remained sandwiched between the Quran and the Kama Sutra. Order. Yes. And... as my friend Korin so eloquently put it, "Praise all that is horny, and holy!"

9.) Hearing birds sing outside my window when I wake up. There is one type of bird I have been trying to identify for years and years. I swear I have the call... down. But no one can tell me what kind of bird this is.

Dont'cha hate that?

There is also an instrumental jazz/funk song that I have been trying to identify for years and years now. I tried singing it into that program called "Soundhound", and it came up with stuff that wasn't even close. I have a feeling it could be something by Jimmy McGriff, but still have not found it.

I do remember it accurately though, and even heard it again the other night while I was out and about, at a bar. My friends hadn't heard it before, and didn't know, so I asked the server if she knew what was playing, and she said that it was some muzac sattelite jazz bullshit station they had piped in, and she didn't know, either.

Damn it!
But I digress... since I realize I went a wee bit off of my intended topic.

8.) Going for walks in my neighbourhood, or to other neighbourhoods not far from me. Who the hell needs a gym? The world is my gym, baby!

7.) Parties that go on into the wee hours in our backyard... complete with bonfires. Oh... always a good time. Yes, indeedy. What better thing is there than drinking, and then burning stuff? I mean... really.

6.) More opportunities for play. Park days start manifesting again with other families, or just us. At home, we break out the badminton net, and start playing whenever the weather suits it. We dine outside at home, or just hang out in the backyard. All of this is making me so happy just typing it!

5.) FLOWERS!!! That said, one of the things I miss about my old house, (now ye olde rental,) was the amazing flower garden. We had (well, I guess we still have, but don't get to see every day,) wisteria; red, white, and pink peonies; daffodils; spring and fall crocus; daphne; hostas; azaleas; rhododendrons; 6 varieties of roses, including variegated, and mini; iris; red and orange crocosmia; 3 varieties of honeysuckle in red, white, and pink; tulips; and I'm sure there may have been others I'm spacing right now.

Seeing all of that colour again is so stimulating and important to the senses. I try to surround myself with lots of colour in the winter time to compensate for the lack of active flora outdoors, and will often buy cut flowers to place around my house, so I can cope. But it still is just not the same. There is so much more to it than that. Flowers are so fascinating. They play on more than just one of the senses, and I could not imagine having to deal with winter year round; with no flowers. Thank the gods for hot houses... for those times we can't just go outside and cut them from our yards, 'non?

4.) That vitamin D fix that doesn't come from a bottle. I started taking a therapeutic dose of Vitamin D last winter, because I had my levels tested. And while normal range is between 20 and 40, and while my doctor likes to see levels right around 55, mine was at a 9. I was sick a lot. Go figure. This year, when I had my bloodwork done, my levels were at a 35, so they are improving. I think this may have a lot to do with why viruses are so rampant in the winter time. Vitamin D is so key in helping immune function. I got sick once this winter, and it lasted less than 2 days. Not bad. Not bad at all...

3.) Weddings! Y'all know I do those, right? I have shot... well, one wedding, but I am an ordained ULC Reverend, and I do, indeed, perform wedding ceremonies! They are so much fun, and I always get the biggest rush from doing them! Now... if they would just re-legalize gay marriage for more than 5 minutes... sigh... since that was the real reason I became ordained in the first place. I was over the moon for that week in '04 that it was possible! Le sigh. That doesn't mean I won't do a handfasting, or commitment ceremony, however. And it will happen again. It has to, dammit!

2.) Photo ops come back to me. I will be opening my studio in the fall, but in spring and summer, I do get a lot of outdoor clientele wanting family photos, and the like. I also take plenty of my own personal fun photos this time of year. Much more so than I do in the wintertime. It becomes a time that I flex my creative muscles and come up with new techniques, and try different things out. I love it so much!

1.) Longer days. As much as I complain about losing an hour in the mornings; once I have adjusted, I do appreciate it. And... while some people with small children don't like this because of the fact that bedtime does become more difficulut, I will say that there is a definite upside. I have a lot of windows in my itsy bitsy kitchen, but who the hell cares when it's all dark outside? What good do they do? Not much. But the other night, as I was cooking dinner in the daylight, at the normal time, I thought to myself: "Oh yes. Order... has been restored!"

It's coming! Yes! Yes, it is! Whee!


Wednesday, March 23, 2011

Blast, for the win! So much blast, so much win!

Lately I have put my foot down about things. I am tired of trying to live in a mould that seems to fit only a certain type of woman... the kind of mould that drives me batshit crazy, and therefore needs to go... so I can be sane, and enjoy my life. That said, I'm sorry. But I am what I am. I don't have the cleanest vocabulary, and I don't give a shitty tit fuck about it. I don't stay home every night of the week, and I am anything but vanilla. OK, maybe I am more vanilla than I was before kids... but only because... damn. I need my sleep.

You know what? My kids are thriving, and we all get along a lot better than we did before. I am realizing more and more that I am not cut out to be the type of person who can stay at home for days at a time with nothing to do, or at least nothing really interesting or creative to do. I have to get out and be social, and sometimes that means I have to get out and be social daily, or nightly.

Last night was no exception. Miranda had texted me Monday night, asking me if I wanted to go to a Burlesque show with her. I had planned on reorganizing my bookshelves in the living room, but this sounded way more interesting, so I texted her back: "Hellz yes!"

We met up at the skeezy corner of NW 6th and Burnside, and walked over to Harvey's Comedy Club. I had forgotten how different the two sides of the Burn can be in this part of town. I drive through there every day because I drop Mr. Hed off at work, but this is always a different scene because the skeezoids aren't awake yet when we do this. I also drive down 4th, which isn't the bus mall, so that could be part of it. Still last night I witnessed lots of drug deals, and crazy going on. I was glad I didn't have to walk through there alone.

I haven't been to Harvey's in a while. I remember going a lot about a decade ago. Seemed different, and I suppose it could have been the fact that it was a Tuesday, and it's not their usual gig. We agreed to meet around 7:15, for the 8 PM showing, and when we arrived out front, it appeared to be closed! Oh no!

Miranda was all kinds of embarrassed, because she was sure we had the right night. I pulled out my handy dandy smart phone and called the place. They were open, but there was no line, and the ticket window was not open. It was a smaller show though, and Miranda was friends with the MC, who had her hair all done up in victory rolls on top. She was dressed in a lovely vintage gray and black peacock print crinoline pleat skirt which came down to about mid-calf, with a sweater covering a sequined bodice, that shone through slightly, fishnets, patent platform Mary Janes with VERY high heels... lots of tattoos, turquoise eyeshadow, and red glitter on the lips. With the way she was dressed, I had a feeling at the end, we'd get a treat... and I was right! Hooray! And, when I met her after the show, she was still shorter than me. Sometimes I wish I could wear shoes like that, but alas, they would make me about 12 feet tall.

What is it about vintage that is just... so hot right now? It's a look I would like to try and play with a little, although... I think I would need serious training to do it right. I actually did wear my own hair down for a change, and even put some hot rollers into it, so... it looked mostly decent. (Remind me to never cut my hair short again. This grow-out is taking forever, and starting to get on my nerves.)

Before the show, I thought I recognized a guy who was sitting by himself. He finally recognized us too, and came over. We had worked together several years ago, and he ended up sitting with us, as well. Was nice to catch up. He sat with us for the show, and ended up giving Miranda a ride home, because they both live in the same area. That was a relief, since things ended kinda late, and I was tired when it was over.

Anyway, the whole thing was really fun! I haven't laughed like that in... well... a few days, anyway, because my friends... are teh funneh. This was a variety show, which mixed stand up, pin up, tasseling, brightly coloured feather fans, men and women of all shapes and sizes, a magician who was actually kind of mind-blowing, off-colour humour, and prizes!


I think the thing I loved the most was the fact that woman who did the tasseling was not itsy bitsy. She was lovely, buxom, big, and not at all covered up. And she had the tasseling down! Best of all, she seemed to be OK with staying uncovered for the duration of the show, because when the curtain call came, she came back up on the stage in just her tassels and panties. So darn cute! I... attempted to re-enact this for Mr. Hed when I got home, but it's clear I would need lots of practice to do this well... and my size FFFs are... well, not so easy to fling around, and a bit on the National Geographic side. He didn't seem to mind one bit though. I think next time I will bring him along. I know he would have loved it.

I have decided to get a group of girls together to go out to the weekly Burlesque review happening at Hawthorne Theatre soon. These shows are always a good time, and there is just something about Burlesque that appeals. Could be the mystery, since it's not really nudity, could the the costumes, the fans, the hairstyles, or the music... or it could just be all of it. It is such a treat!


I have some other news that I would like to write about soon, as well. Stay tuned, as lately, I have been busy, and would like to give this thing the post it deserves. It's pretty awesome. Yes. Yes, it is! And.. NO, I am not pregnant!


Friday, March 18, 2011

Once, twice, three times a lady...

Having trouble with focus; memory, and wasting tasty alcoholic beverages as a result? Well, I have decided to go into business... I will now dispense ghetto advice, so you can lead a fuller life... like me! Whee!

Today, after a wily night of kid wrangling, (I sort of had to use mind bullets to get the kids to go to sleep last night,) I noticed I forgot to re-cork my wine from dinner, which happened many, many hours before this discovery. Before the kid wrangling of the night, I managed to get the dishes done, and a sense of decorum restored in the kitchen area, but this detail went far away. So far, in fact, that I managed to throw out the cork. The kids broke the glass winekeeper I'd been using... (stupid me, for leaving it ON TOP OF THE REFRIGERATOR, where I thought it would be safe,) and I haven't made it to the chi chi kitchen store to pick up another just yet. It usually takes me a few days to finish a bottle, since I am the only wino in the house, and I sort of have to... you know... pretend to be responsible most of the time.

So, upon making this discovery, sighing a heavy sigh, I posed the question: "What's a girl to do?"

The answer, my friends... because I didn't want to throw out the wine, was simple. I placed a custard ramekin over the mouth of the bottle. Yes. I am that ghetto. And also Martha... and also? Fucking genius.

Oh yes. I am. That's once, twice, three times a lady, dammit!

It wasn't a sparkling wine of any sort. It was Cabernet. Breathy as a cabaret singer desperately showing signs of needing to get laid. I had some with tonight's dinner, and it wasn't terrible. But I will do my best to remember to... pick up another winekeeper soon. Because ramekins... were meant for custard. Not keeping wine.


Thursday, March 17, 2011

Double Rainbow all the way across the sky, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's so intense! AAAAH!

So... a double rainbow for St. Patrick's day. Those leprechauns are working double time. Does that mean two pots? Will it improve the economy? Eh... probably not. I am kicking myself for getting lazy about taking my camera with me wherever I go. I used to be so good about this, and now I hardly ever remember. Damn it. Oh well. Le sigh...

In other news, MicroSqueak has gotten rather germaphobic. I can't really say she doesn't come by it honestly, but it has been a while since I have been completely paranoid about germs. My immune system has improved so much in the last couple years, that I am not constantly washing my hands anymore. So... she did not learn by example, and I am hoping it is just a phase, and not nature beating nurture. I can cop to being mighty paranoid. Yes I can. I own it. I've dealt with it. I've moved on. I've moved... the fuck on. Yes.

I will say though, we certainly are going through a LOT of towels lately. She does not just have to wash her hands, but she has to shower every time anything even remotely foreign touches her. It does not seem to matter what, or apparently who it is. We apparently can't go to anyone's house or have company right now, because she will need a shower, and I will apparently have to burn the room and everything said people have touched. It is that bad. Yes. It is that bad.

Yesterday, she had just finished a shower, and the shower curtain touched her arm. She needed another shower. This was, of course, after she had had 2 showers in a time span of one hour. 4 showers. Four. Damn. Showers. FOUR.

I did run out of towels at that point, because not only can she not deal with the fact of anything touching her, but she can't re-use a towel that has touched her clean body. Oy. If she wipes her ladybits, she can't use the same towel on her hair after that, because god forbid, she has clean hair... contaminated with clean, bitsy ladybit towel moisture. Oy!

I said oy!


This was, of course just before I was supposed to leave to meet up with a long lost friend from high school. More on that in another post, soon.

'Cause damn.

I said God DAMN!

What is with this kid? Someone please tell me this is just a phase. I can't take much more of this.

Today, she demanded another shower after we picked LadyBug up from school. I wouldn't give her one, because she had used all of the towels, and the washing machine was still whirring away with her used towels of daily yore. She went up there and started the shower, climbed into the tub, and gave herself one anyway. I managed to find her bathrobe, and wrapped her in that when she was done.

I thought all was well, until about 15 minutes later, when she traipsed into the room crying, and had this to say: "I hate my bathrobe! It is too slippy offy, and I can't keep it closed! No! You go get me some REAL clothes, and wash your hands first!" I did that, and I washed my hands... to... maintain peace. It sort of worked. Sort of.

I... don't know. Perhaps I really was this crazy as a child. I'm doing my best to cut the kid some slack... until she moves onto her next, hopefully much less annoying obsession.


Wednesday, March 9, 2011

And I gave up candy for Lent in the springtime... mama was proud, and so were the nuns.

I'm not Catholic. I am not really adherant to any particular organized religion, but I do believe in taking what works from many different tenets, social mores, and organized belief systems if they benefit me in some way, even if I may not agree with, or know the whole of them. I don't really see anything wrong with that, since black and white; in my mind, anyway, belongs on paper, or maybe in paint colours or clothing, but should end there. I'm not big on rules, and I'm not big on absolutes.

That said, I have decided to give up Facebook for Lent. It has become a very easy distraction for me, and since my list'o'friends keeps climbing in number, it can take me a very long time to catch up with everyone. I also have noticed that I will scroll through the many status updates, links, photos, and notes, and I find myself developing tunnel vision that takes a while to go away. I get this mental fog that can be really annoying, and before I know it, almost an hour has passed, and there are days when I don't feel much more than fogged out.

And really, if one of my good friends has something major happen in their lives, I'm sure he or she will let me know. I don't really need social networking software to keep up with the people I see on a regular basis... and the ones who I don't see on a regular basis are usually friends of friends or family, and I would probably find out anyway.

So... bye-bye, overstimulating timesuck.

That's not to say I don't have a good time on there, but I wonder how many others feel the same way about it?

The other problem I have with it, is that it really does seem to be a vehicle placed to make people lazy in their friendships. People are less likely to meet up with one another, when they can just chat online. I personally can't stand to do only that much with my friends. I enjoy being out and about, seeing people face to face, joking, laughing, actually hearing the other person's voice, etc. It's just not the same. I would personally much rather do one thing with just a couple people each day than... well... nothing but sit online with the 236 people I have on my list'o'friends. I really don't know how some people do that all the time, because I start to go kinda batty after spending too long on there, which usually consists of part of a morning.

I also have my work cut out for me in the near future. I have lots of things that need to happen before the current school year ends, so I will be concentrating on that, as well as working on a few creative projects, reading more books, and just enjoying not being bombarded with so much information about so many people each day.

For instance, I started "War and Peace", and set it down about a month ago. I would like to actually finish that. "Anna Karenina" was an amazing book, and I have a good feeling about this one as well. I just need to compartmentalize the things that are important to me in life and focus better. And when I'm overstimulated and sucked into something that doesn't really make that much of a difference in my daily life as a whole, I have to prioritize and remove the erroneous.

I will probably venture back over there at some point, but I will say this has been a long time coming, and something I have to do for now.

If you are visiting from over there, and want to keep in touch, you can shoot me an email at hedrowilsonATgmailDAHTcawm.