Tuesday, February 15, 2011

Laziness, Zen, Inner Peace? Eh, Who can tell?

Things have been happy in the land of Hedro lately. That's a good thing for sure. Life sometimes rocks. Sometimes, it sucks, and sometimes it's well? Pfeh. And then other times it's kinda meh, beh, buh, muh, guh... ga. I'm going to call the latter category right now.

I won't say I'm bored. There is a lot of stuff for me to be focusing on, and I'm doing that. It's good stuff, albeit kinda private, and I have a few different paths to choose; irons in a few different fires; other cliches to cite; etc., etc., ad nauseum.

That said, I've been more than calm lately, and that's a nice change... I think.

Yeah. I... think.

Sometimes I wonder though, if anxiety has its place, and a certain amount of it is necessary to push us forward? Don't get me wrong. I am really enjoying having so much less of it in my life, thanks to some amino acid therapy, but... hardly any? Yeah. I don't know what to do with that.

I suppose clarity is also good, and not having anxiety in the way is helpful. Amazingly helpful. I love being able to do just about anything without that stupid crap-bitch I call doubt getting in the way.

Without Ms. Doubt, I'm pretty brave now... bold even. Hm. Maybe I just need an adjustment period to all of this. I am pretty sure that most of my 35 years on this planet have been pretty anxiety filled, so why not give myself time to get used to it?

Holy shit! Am I asking for drama? What the hell? Really?

Yeah... no. I don't want drama. I want a muse. Like a classic muse in a white gown, with long, flowing, soft red curls. She could give me ideas and make me laugh. She could go shopping with me and braid my hair. We could give each other the Cosmo Quiz of the month! We could ride our bicycles though a meadow together. We could paint each others' toenails, and sing Patrick Swayze songs!

Yes! This would be so swell!

Or... I could just pay closer attention to the little things again. The things that I find in everyday life that make me crack up like a 12 year old boy. Because after all, if I say it, that will be... what she said, right?

Why, yes, Hedro! In fact... every time!

K. I call laziness. Best get crackin'!


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