Wednesday, January 5, 2011

Day 28: Pregnant

Ha ha! Made you look! Well, now that you are here, I guess you have to read about what I would do if I either got someone pregnant, or if I found myself in a family way, yet again.

Well, let's see. I suppose we will start with the first one. Hm. If I got someone pregnant, I think the first thing I would do is look down and try to figure that one out. I've never noticed anything there before, and I know there's nothing there now, but hm... I may not have seen everything under the sun just yet.

Anyway, if we were absolutely sure there was no other way this person could have gotten knocked up, I'd keep a low profile, because that's the sort of thing that would get me way more publicity than I would ever want. Once the baby was born, however, I would have a lab do DNA swabs on both, baby and I. If the probability of my paternity came back as 99.99999999%, I would then run through the streets, jumping and shouting, kicking my heels, on my way to the top of a building with a rooftop deck, and once I got there, I would shout: "Oh my soul, people! I have balls!!!! I have balls!!!! Thank God Almighty, I have balls!!!"

See, this would sort of just be no big deal, because I'm sure people would look up at me, perplexed for about 5 or so minutes, then just go on with their day without giving it a second thought. No papers involoved. Mental health facilities are overcrowded. Yeah. Works for me.

If I were to find out at this point in time that I was carrying another child, it wouldn't be so bad. I like babies. I could do it again. I don't think Mr. Hed would be particularly happy though. We have agreed... we are done, and this would mean a lot of extra work for both of us that we hadn't really thought about. But does anyone really know what the future holds? I think that's the point.


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