Thursday, December 9, 2010

Day 9: Drift

Day 9: Drift

I have had a few friends drift away, and wish hadn't. Something about this particular assignment makes me think of that old telephone company commercial jingle that sang: "And... even though I hate your guts, can't stand you anymore... I want you to remember, I won't drift away." (Yeah, OK, maybe it didn't say that... exaaactly, but you get the idea.)

Hm. I really don't know. I think most of the people who have drifted from me were more lessons on what not to do in the context of friendship. There were times when I was pretty annoying, dramatic, stubborn, judgmental, and a general pain in the ass. So yeah. There are a few people I miss, but simultaneously understand why they may not still be around.

I can think of a few times specifically when I was less than understanding about people not being able to follow through with social plans, and let's just say I didn't take it well at all. I kinda blew up, may have even given them what-for. May have even laid guilt on so thick that they came along with me anyway, and yeah, afterward I felt like crap, because I could tell this person was genuinely ill, etc.

I have certainly learned from this. And I have learned that yeah, this probably isn't the best way to treat a person. This particular flaw was something I sort of learned by example, being around people like my dad, who... while I'm estranged from him, am guessing he still acts like this... to this day. I'm also realizing this is not the best excuse, which is why I only use it for past behaviour, have moved on, and don't act this way now. It's also why I am saying that I'm not him, and must take responsibility for my own actions.

There are others who I have sort of avoided for my own reasons... like the alcoholic friend who would only call me when drunk, not really pay attention to my end of the conversation, keep me on the phone for hours, and not let me hang up... usually in the middle of the night. Yeah, got old. I just stopped answering the phone when I saw that it was her. Then I turned the phone off when her calls became persistent, and numbered in the 10's per night.

Yeah, not everyone is a funny drunk. Of course... I know I am, but... let's face it. Not everyone can pull it off.

So, while I miss these people, there are some whose distance I can understand and relate to. I guess in a way, it's a comfort to know that those behaviours are in the past for me, and I will hopefully never be that annoying, dramatic, stubborn, judgmental, pain in the ass, again. There is, after all, a time and place for everything. And while I still consider myself a professional pain in the ass, it's reserved for the tongue in cheek moments, only.


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